Bootlace Samples and Lyrics

Bootlace Johnnie & The 99s

Samples and Lyrics

Christmas the Way I Like it

From Frankfurt's beer kellers, to stoned beatnik cellars

From sharply dressed fellas, to difficult bank tellers

Blown out umbrellas, wind hit and gone

There ain't nothing like your red shoes on

Baby keep your red shoes on, Honey keep your red shoes on

You can stand there naked as the day you were born

But darlin' keep them red shoes on

I know I got priors, for kicking out fires

Hanging in shires, of acid tongue liars

Bare-assed friars, carrying spare tyres

But that Pontiac talk, it ain't nothing like your red shoes

From London's cab drivers, to daisy chained skivers

From landlocked survivors, to tough muffin divers

Taking tenners and fivers, wind hit and gone

There ain't nothing like your red shoes on

Baby keep your red shoes on, Honey keep your red shoes on

You can stand there bucko as the day you were born

But darlin' keep them red shoes on

Baby keep them red shoes on

Say Betty keep them red shoes on

This Christmas is gonna be the way I like it.

Bootlace Johnnie

Now Bootlace Johnnie had a rock in his head

The day he fell out of bed and got strumming on his geetar

And came up with a song that only had one chord

But it appealed to the board of the Jerkwater Record Co.

And three months later Johnnie had a U.K. rating

He had a New York coming and Los Angeles, hyper-ventilating

He'd done pretty good for a West London boy

Who'd had it stamped on his forehead just one of God's factory fodder

And hey, I'm over that now I'm over that hoedown wall

That you all built out of envy across that river of sand

That you left me to drown in, yer, I'm over that, over that,

Over that, I'm over that now

So Bootlace Johnnie would pour out his heart

That's what set him apart from the rest of the circus

His simple solitary gift that the half-talented crave

Caused them to rave, 'How come someone like you could

possess that spirit?'

And Johnnie dug deep but he found no answer

And they took that as a slap to their very existence

He'd done pretty good for a west London boy

Who'd had it stamped on his forehead, never gonna amount to

nothing

And hey,........(repeat chorus)

So it's a long long way from the Goldhawk Road

Carrying the Highway Toad to the Malibu City limits

And Johnnie hoofed it with a smile, eating every mile

While humouring the sharks that fed just below him

But the truth and the light he'd found in the Hammersmith Lane

Fell to hatfuls of rain, he drew his last breath, catching

He'd done pretty good for a West London boy

Who'd had it stamped on his forehead

Just one of Her Majesty's lesser persons

And hey,........(repeat chorus to end)

The Ice Lizard Hometown Fair

There ain't one stone that came up qualified unturned

There ain't a bridge I crossed and left unburned

There ain't a flower that could claim survival

Every bouquet I sent came up dead on arrival

Ah, but I'm over that now, I tried on the good Lord's shoes

And I'm over that now

I hung on through December and I hung on through March

I really cannot remember any further hanging on my part

Vinnie went back down to Needles, Benny took a cab to who

knows where

Leaving me taking the old two-twenty

Trembling like the goldfish at the Ice Lizard Hometown Fair

There ain't one road I didn’t leave the broken behind

There ain't one kind word when I did not lie blind

There ain't one train standing dead in life's station

I got every engineer loaded and jammed the hammer for

damnation

But I'm over that now, I tried on the Devil's shoes

And I tell yer I'm over that now

I hung on through December and I hung on through March

I really could not remember any further hanging on my part

Jackie flew on up to Cheyenne, Jimmy's doing Surrey in his

underwear

Leaving me looking down a thirty-ought six

Nervous as the guineas at the Ice Lizard Hometown Fair

Riverstones

'Summer’s closing in', said the Babe of Hearts to the King of Hermosa

'It's shuffling back to Buffalo', she cried as they both cracked up

And gave me a charge

Tabasco Charlie he got a few dates open at the end of September

He say, 'Get on the ham and bone next week and we'll put 'em to sleep

In a bucket of concrete'.

Cool down, I'm only lonesome Jackson

Cool down, lay lay lay lay

Come and run me later, Mister Torque Operator

When I've got some freeze in my radiator

And smooth out my bones like them riverstones

'Autumn's in my hips', said the Count of Juke

To the Duke of South Redondo

'They're making for the Sea of Cortez', he moaned

As they passed the Monte Cristo and cut me a half glance

And Frank's Cantina run a little meaner

Their band booking policy cut somewhat leaner

Say we ain't being starchy but here's the deal Archie

You’re gonna need a Masters' in Mariachi

Cool down, I'm only lonesome Jackson

Cool down, lay lay lay lay

Come and park me later Chemo Carbon Data

When I've fed some fruit to my alligator

And lay out my bones like them riverstones

ooooooh, ..........................

ooooooh,...........................

Funny, funny now, anyway you got 'em

I'm always dealing from the river bottom

ooooooh,........................... riverstones.

Traitor's Gate

Everybody was running slow, everybody was running late

I calculated the flow against the volume and the weight

I thought I caught the blackened eye of reason sprinkling treason's plate

But all the tongues had been torn from the piked heads above Traitor's Gate

And we've all met before and we'll all meet again

Though I just can't recall the flesh and bones of where or when

Yes, we've all met before and we'll all meet again

Marching into the fore, rebel boys and rebel men.

Wastelanders

Somehow we made it alive out of Madrid Central

Up through Zaragosa to the badlands of Isabella

In a Volkswagen bus that had seen better days

Back in seventy-two, somewhat a wastelander crew

We were mainly duffs and street corner toughs

Who weren't afraid of resorting to headbutts and fisticuffs

In our continuing efforts to stay one long jump

Ahead of the law, that's a wastelander’s score

And ooooooh.......

Tell 'em the wastelanders came

Yer, tell 'em the wastelanders came

Tell 'em that they've came and gone

We cut on through Toulouse one short,

Lost to some undiagnosed disease

Yer, we buried Oggy back in the Pyrenees

In a shallow grave where his ramblings

Would be at ease, flying on a wastelander’s breeze

And in Vichy we sang and danced, yer, we picked their pockets

clean

Tanked up on red wine and Valvoline

Next thing we knew Paris lit up like sapphires

In our windscreen, on a wastelander’s dream

And oooooo........

Tell 'em the wastelanders came

Yer, tell 'em the wastelanders came

Tell 'em that they've came and gone

And at Dover they stripped us clean, cold Customs’ boys

With dogs in hand, said they were on the lookout for contraband

We told 'em we'd smoked it all back on the Calais sand,

It was a wastelander’s brand

And navigating London at three A.M. for some winter dawn

We all knew we had to get in from the storm

Going west on the Cromwell Road

Struggling to stay warm, true to wastelander form

And ooooooh........

Tell 'em the wastelanders came

Yer, tell 'em the wastelanders came

Tell 'em that they've came and gone.

Nightingales

I heard the Nightingales were straightening the picture rails

When your well worn sails came a-breezing by

As luck would sometimes have it

I was elsewhere chasing some other exhaustive errand

And so the Nightingales while painting their fingernails

Observed your plague of hard luck tales, go a-moving on

If I was a younger man and still half the fool

I may very well have jumped...............right back in.

The Washing of the Spears

Our galleys found the shores of the foe we knew as Sparta

And with hearts of blackened thunder, we waded the warm blue water

They held their causeways with valour until our numbers overcame them

And our flags flew on to Mars' Lair for the washing of the spears

And I was long gone then and I'll be long gone forever

Over river and mountain I am gone my love even though we're resting here

And we followed the blood red cross with death our fond companion

Through lands that we left barren for the foreign tongue was spoken

We slew every living thing upon seven holy hills

And rode on to Saracens’ Well that day for the washing of the spears

And I was long gone then and I'll be long gone forever

Across hillock and dale I am gone my love even though I’m no the wiser

And I'll be gone, always gone and I'll be always gone forever

Upon spurs that wing me on my love to wherever warring men, do gather,

Strange I'm gone.

Cruel Masseur

Well, there's four million bands within the city limits

And they're all trying to play the Alligator Lounge

And Debbie's on the phone there, sounding weary as your mother

Saying, 'Call me back next Tuesday, I may have something for yer,

And I ain't giving you the run around but we're trying to book alternative"

Then she forgets who she's talking to, another child's voice is calling

And I know just how she'd feel if we met my eyes would have her

While a beautiful white lady is singing, 'Who knows where the time goes?'

And I look down at my watch, it tells me quarter up to fifty

And I thought it was a long road from Brentford into Avalon

Standing at the dockside, still in dirty Levi’s

Finally figuring it's the same sun that shone down on the gasworks

Listening to my bones crack knowing I had muscles

Every mirror telling tales of adventures I'd forgotten

Thinking getting through life, it ain't nothing, nothing but a cruel masseur

And there's forty million songs within the city limits

And everyone's a treasure to all the souls that wrote 'em

And it takes a lot of living and it takes a lot of dying

To see over that horizon, I never could do that

And Tom Cribb's in England, I told him I would be there

To take a last walk through the Forty Acre Tunnel

He lost his only daughter to the wind of constant sorrow

I cried out inside as we drove past the refinery

And it's been a rainy Sunday but the messages keep coming

I turn 'em into songs that people say will get me nowhere

And take a hike to Nashville they got the cherries on the pie there

Just look what they've done to simple country music

Listening to your bones crack, knowing you had muscles

Every mirror telling tales of adventures you'd forgotten

Thinking how a good life, it ain't nothing, nothing but a cruel Masseur

Tender Guillotine

We were the cocks of the north, we were the jacks of the south

We were beaten in the east and feared in the west and were gone,

Like we never had been. We were a band on the rum

Chasing Tender Guillotine

Two leather-headed motor boys who masqueraded as our management

Snapped up all our copyrights and the petty cash we left laying and were gone,

Like they never had been. They were outnumbered dearly

By the Tender Guillotine

So we rocked like the old timers from Hanover to Helsinki

While pink fairied hippies tried to suck up our persona and were gone,

Like they never had been. Looking comically violent

Towing Tender Guillotine

Just outside the Port of London the band wagon took a powder

Someone cried out "injectors", but we all knew it was the end and were gone,

Like we never had been. Going five different ways, boys

With our Tender Guillotine

And that fifty-eight Minor we revved up on the stage

Has run a damn sight longer than their mouths could ever stretch to and be gone,

Like the sweat off our brow we kicked their arseholes then

And we'll kick their arseholes now.

Bootlace Johnnie and the Ninety-Nines

To hell with Shakespeare and to hell with Caesar

We memorised what we could and threw the rest back in the freezer

They hardly came in useful repairing some wayward geyser in our later years

And they told us, mathematics will cure what ail yer

And learning some foreign language will more than likely bail yer

And who wanted to be an eleven year old failure

Well we did, we were born that way

Say boys, it's a Saturday night

Let's climb on up through the Hippodrome skylight

I got a quart and my old man's Woodbines

We can watch, Bootlace Johnnie and the Ninety, Ninety-Nines......

Now Bootlace got it creeping set a maximum tone

Beehive hairdos lacquered to stone

The whole damn ballroom would be jumping like Jehovah

Yer, Bootlace had them Teddy Boys shaking all over

Well, God come and take me for I've seen it all

Lower your boom and take up that ball

The Ninety-Nines shook it out to Rock's early border

While Bootlace goes and throws a nervous disorder

Yer, Bootlace Johnnie and the Ninety-Nines

Bootlace Johnnie and the Ninety-Nines

Bootlace Johnnie and the Ninety, Ninety-Nines

And so eleven years run into twenty

Twenty run to thirty and thirty run to forty

And after forty I hear you’re a dinosaur fright

But I still use old Johnnie for that guiding light

And the skylight boys are mainly in incarceration

None of us ever thought to stop at any station

And so we leave a few pointers for some future generation

Saying, 'That's how we were, we were born that way'

Hey boys, it's a Saturday night

Let's climb on up through the Hippodrome skylight

I got a quart of brown and my old man's Woodbines

We can watch, Bootlace Johnnie and the Ninety, Ninety-Nines.......

Bootlace Johnnie, Boot, Boot, Bootlace

Bootlace Johnnie, Boot, Bootlace

Bootlace Johnnie................................

Down Pentonville Way

Now one thing my old man, had under stood
You could trace our roots, back to Robin Hood
He'd say son, remember, the pickings are good
When the privileged classes, walk like wood
Your from a long line,
Your from a long line

And Uncle Bill was always, my number one
When he took me along, to do a bank run
He'd stick his hand in his pocket and tell the teller he had a gun
Oh man, that's how the two fingered, bank withdrawal was done
We're from a long line,
We're from a long line,
We're from a long line,
Down Pentonville Way

Well if it chained up and if it nailed down
And if it ain't fenced in
It'll be gone faster than Dick Turpin's skin
Down Pentonville Way,
Down Pentonville Way,
Down Pentonville Way,
We form a long line

Now every man jack, worth his thieving measure
Can rest assured of doing, some untimely leisure
Knocking shoulders with the cream of criminal treasure
Serving up the porridge, at her Majesty's pleasure
I'm from a long line,
I'm from a long line,
I'm from a long line,
Down Pentonville Way

Well if it ain't chained up and if it ain't nailed down
And if it ain't fenced in
It'll be gone faster than Nancy Fagan's gin
Down Pentonville Way,
Down Pentonville Way,
Down Pentonville Way,
We form a long line

Down Pentonville Way,
Down Pentonville Way,
Down Pentonville Way,
We form a long line,
We form a long line,
We form a long line.......Down Pentonville Way